In watching seasons change you feel time passing so much more clearly.
Two of my housemates have left, two more are arriving today. Change is always interesting, amongst other things.
Sometimes it's just time to move on, pack up your things and try again, somewhere else. At this time in our lives I'm sure it's something we all go through now and then.
But I'm staying put, for now at least. I don't like to think about leaving. Although there are lots of things that wear me down, and lots of things I miss. This time it would just be so...final.
It's funny how group dynamics work. You seem to end up with a role to play, and an expectation to live up to. And your role is somehow compared to others, people look for their identity in relation to yours...as naturally people make judgements and compare...and naturally people always worry about what other people think.
If I am sweet does that make you sour? Or salty? Or salad? in joke maybe..
People have so many perceptions of you, if you believe them all you may end up with no idea who you are.
And in such ways I think I could be pretty shocking.
But could I really? Perhaps I would shock myself the most.
It's easy to hide behind who everyone else think's you are. Play true to your role. Think of yourself as others do. It's safe and homely. The alternative may be to make a gamble on living differently, on the offchance maybe it works for you..
But what if you find it's not really you after all. And if you slip too far in the wrong direction, and you end up with nothing but regret, can you ever go back to being that person again?
I'm a strong believer in gut feeling. And maybe someday it'll feel right.
