I looked in the mirror today. Something that seems so frequent, but usually nothing more than a glance. Or too focussed on specifics, like when I�m putting on make up or doing my hair. Never really looking. I was doing English revision; highlighting quotes that seem important, firstly on my bed, them became restless and felt the need to move. Slid onto the floor, sat in the gap between my bed and my wardrobe. Not a huge amount of space; it's not really somewhere I sit, but today it was right. There are mirrors on a couple of the doors, and this is when I looked.

I looked at myself today as if I had never seen myself before. Not overly critically, mostly looking for details, for distinguishing features, anything that sets me apart. I found surprisingly little. Everything seemed fairly average, bland, uninteresting, perhaps my ears are a little on the small side; not really something I ever notice; my hair always seems to cover them. It amused me in a way, how the rest of my body seems so out of proportion, so wrong �but who�s to notice when my face is so �average�. Funny how some clothes can hide everything �at a glace I could be the most �average� person in the world.

I thought of a boy I knew when I was ten. A boy I was infatuated with in a way that means very little, however paradoxical that may sound. I was at an age when this was possible, and happened frequently. He amused me, he was entertaining. A clown. An idiot perhaps. He once came up with a theory �that girls� fingernails grow more quickly than their toenails, and the other way around for boys. I thought he was strange.

I saw him about a year ago. I couldn�t see why I had once found him attractive, even though that was so many years ago. I wonder which one of us has changes the most.

Strange to think of this now. Perhaps I am strange.

average at 9:41 p.m.

rainbows | solving emptiness