It doesn�t feel real. Like something I made up in my head.
And I don�t know if it matters if I�m not the same. Or if underneath it all, I haven�t changed.
I�m having a party and I hope you all will come. That�s all I really want; to have everyone that matters to me all together, as over the years my relationships with people seem to have altered so much, but in the process I have got to know you all pretty well.
Went babysitting last night. It does seem weird to think I was paid to play �Payday� and �Animal Dominoes� with ickle children, then cry all the way though a DVD while eating other peoples biscuits till 1am. But then they aren�t paying me to do that, they�re paying for the freedom of a night out while having piece of mind that their offspring are safe and sound.
Wait until they see me at my 18th. Yes all the neighbours seem to be coming. Yes they will judge me and wonder why they ever dared to think of me a sensible, well behaved responsible young lady, who is capable of looking after their children.
Yes I�m scared.
It�s all okay�I have a pink skirt.
Lizzy is talking to me about a pigeon. Oh dear. Apparently it�s a dove, not a pigeon. This is all very exciting stuff.
There is a chance I may be dragged out on my actual birthday as James was shocked at the prospect of me NOT stumbling home drunk on my 18th, if anyone wants to join us�Monday after next, being the 31st.
I don�t know if I miss her. Or how much I ever did. How she could matter so much, and drift away so far. I don�t know if it�s my fault, or hers, or anyone�s.
I know it was worth it, every moment has shaped who I�ve become.
The clock tower is pink. Long live the pink clock tower. | so no one told you life was gonna be this way
